July 1, 2005

Today was my first meeting with Dr Sitarik. A good guy, he was happy to again present me with options and the results of my pathology and other information. Interestingly, I found out today that there is great information at the disposal of these guys who are experts in the area. So far, it looks like they are very good about handling the apparent nightmare of dealing with the insurance companies. This is a relief since this is the last thing that Sarah and I want to dal with while we are going through this process!
Sarah went with me to the appointment and I will say that it is great being able to share this entire process with my soulmate. we are both pretty stressed out about this since we have two young children, but it makes a big difference being able to share all of our feelings openly with each other and our friends.
With the Doctor, we scheduled a PFT (pulmonary function test) to make sure that my lungs were up to snuff for the chemo drugs. Bleomycin can have some lasting effects on lung tissue and it is important that your lungs are healthy before any BEP schedule.
One thing that amazes me already is that there appears to be a "matter of fact" feeling in this office regarding treatment options -- I suppose that the extrodinary nature of my situation is mild compared to the situations these guys have seen over the years. Everyone is very professional and concerned, but something seems missing from my perspective . . . Of course, I really shouldn't have any expectations, and everyone is really great so I have no complaints.
I guess I just cannot get over how weird this experience is I have a tumor? It is cancer? I had it removed? I have to have Chemo? I still cannot believe any of this!!
I have a young family and a job with responsibilities - this is a very big imposition and I really have no idea what I am going to do. All of these questions and concerns are new to me, so I am a little lost.
I think after the few weeks that have passed since the initial understanding, my thoughts on the whole thing have finally started to sink in and I am getting a little more stressed out about the situation. Friends and family have been great though. Having my parents out during my first surgery (really a coincidence, but great!) was a godsend.
Since we have told our frindes, I have been humbled by the generosity and compassion. Simply being able to talk with our friends and share the experience has made a huge difference and I have never appreciated the value of frindship as much as today. Thanks everyone for all of the support!